


your heart was glass, I dropped it

by TheLastAutumnLeaf



Category: High School Musical (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, everybody is suffering and everybody is gay, ryan sees things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29176647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLastAutumnLeaf/pseuds/TheLastAutumnLeaf
Summary: "Carefully Ryan lifted himself onto his elbow and peered over Chad. His arm was dangling over the edge, his fingertips under Troy's hand. Like he had been holding it. Ryan laid back down. It struck him that this probably wasn't the first time something like this had happened. It also struck him that Troy probably didn't usually sleep on the floor. He turned around to face the wall."
Relationships: Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans, Troy Bolton/Chad Danforth
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	your heart was glass, I dropped it

**Author's Note:**

> I have two documents titled, respectively, "let him suffer" and "I said let him SUFFER" and this is neither, so I guess you could say I'm in a Mood™

Ryan liked sleeping over at Chad's. His single bed gave them an excuse to sleep close to each other and the many noises of an old house with many inhabitants calmed him down. The creaking of floorboards. The wind rattling leaky windows. Chad’s heartbeat close to him. It was different from the nearly clinical silence of his own house with bedrooms far apart and thick concrete walls. He enjoyed the many sounds. But he wasn't expecting a desperate knock on the window in the middle of the night. Chad shot up, stood in the middle of the floor for a second and then rushed to the window and opening, all happening before Ryan had barely sat up. Troy tumbled in through the window and into Chad's arms, sobbing, unmistakably sobbing and Chad pulled him into a tight embrace. Ryan watched as Chad shushed Troy gently and rubbed his back and Troy let himself be held. There was something whispered between them that even in the silence of the night Ryan couldn't hear and Chad quietly led Troy out of the room. Ryan sat with his heart still racing, when Chad returned a minute later.

"Sorry," he told Ryan in a hushed voice as he leaned close to him. "I'll explain later. I just need to take care of this."

"Is he okay?" Ryan asked, stupidly. 

"That's…. Complicated," Chad said. Even in the dark Ryan could make out the worried frown on Chad's face. Chad gave him a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Go back to sleep," he said and picked something out of the closet before leaving the room again. Ryan laid down, but he didn't go back to sleep. It had been too dark to see Troy's face, but with the way he had fallen into Chad's arms like he would have collapsed to the ground without him, the openly sobbing even with Ryan in the room, he didn’t need to see his face to know Troy was broken. It made Ryan's stomach clench. He lay in the darkness and listened for any sounds of Troy and Chad. A toilet flushed but that was the only thing he heard. It wasn't like he knew Troy all that well. All three of them hung out sometimes; it was important to Chad that his two favourite guys got along, and while Troy did seem to be much more anxious than the cool, calm and collected team captain he was at school once you spent more than 5 minutes with him, Ryan hadn't considered him the "complete breakdown and leaving home in the middle of the night"-type. It seemed like Troy was… Doing bad. The bedroom door opened and Chad led Troy into the room with a hand on his back. Troy was hunched over with his arms folded across his chest, still sniffling. Chad left him standing while he pulled a folding mattress out the closet and unfolded it next to the bed.

"Are you sure?" Troy whispered.

"Of course." Chad found a pillow and blanket as well and gave to Troy. He hugged him close for a moment and there were more whispers Ryan couldn't hear, but he saw Troy wipe his nose on his arm and nod. Then Chad hugged him again and rubbed his back. Chad stepped over the mattress and sat down on the bed. Ryan shuffled closer to the wall to make space and Chad leaned over him. After another quick forehead kiss, he laid down with his back to Ryan, looking over the edge of the bed at Troy trying to get comfortable on the floor. Chad whispered goodnight to Troy but he kept close to the edge. For a short moment, Ryan considered wrapping his arms around Chad. He kept his arms to himself. Ryan was almost asleep when Chad turned around. He wrapped an arm around Ryan's waist and got comfortable.

"I hope you're okay with this," he whispered very, very quietly. "Just wanted to make sure he fell asleep. I'll explain tomorrow."

"Yeah," Ryan whispered and he snuck an arm around Chad. "I know he's important to you."

"Thank you, Ry. You're the best." Chad kissed him, again on the forehead and settled down to sleep. Ryan was awake for a lot longer.

It was early when Ryan woke. Only the very first morning light was streaming in through the window. Chad was lying on the edge of the bed again, close to Troy. Carefully Ryan lifted himself onto his elbow and peered over Chad. His arm was dangling over the edge, his fingertips under Troy's hand. Like he had been holding it. Ryan laid back down. It struck him that this probably wasn't the first time something like this had happened. It also struck him that Troy probably didn't usually sleep on the floor. He turned around to face the wall.

It had to be hours later when Ryan woke. Bright sunlight streaming in through the open window. Chad was sitting on the bed, already dressed, stroking Ryan’s cheek.

"Hey," he said when Ryan flipped onto his back. Chad looked tired and upset.

"Troy already left," he said. "He always says he has to go home before his parents notice he's gone, but I'm pretty sure they know."

Ryan sat up and rolled his shoulders. There were a lot of questions to be asked, but he didn’t know where to start. He picked something lighter to break the ice.

“How does he get up to the window?”

“There’s a tree at the end of the house. Then he climbs along the roof. My mom wants to kill him for it,” Chad laughed but it was a little strained and his face became grave again. 

"Does this… Does this happen a lot?" Ryan tried. 

"It used to be just sometimes. Then it got worse, but then he just… Stopped. This is the first time in a long time."

"Should he be getting help?"

"Yeah," Chad laughed exasperated, tired and full of concern. "Yeah, he should. But he has a hard time admitting to it. I think that might be why he stopped coming for a long time. Didn't want to bother me or whatever. Embarrassed about it. What do I know?"

Ryan thought Chad knew a lot that he just didn't want to tell. 

"Is he okay with you telling me about this?"

"Yeah, we talked about it. He got that I would have to tell you  _ something. _ It's not like you're going to spread it around."

"No, of course not."

"Thank you. Really. For understanding. I know it's messy, but I need to be there for him. I want to be there for him. I don't want him to be alone."

"No, of course. I get it," Ryan said and thought he might get it more than he wanted to, so he said:

"You're brothers."

"Yeah," Chad said but it was with a frown. "Something like that."

Ryan regretted his words.

Troy was back to his usual self at school. It only made Ryan more concerned. If Troy was this good at looking okay, then how often was he not? Troy pulled him aside.

"Just, uh, sorry. And thank you. For not freaking out or anything," he said, his head turned down and his cheeks pink.

"Of course. It's okay," Ryan said and the words were almost too easy to say and he couldn’t stop himself, so he continued:

"If you need him, you need him. It's not like I have any more right to be with him than you."

Troy smiled weakly.

"Thanks," he said again and he left with an awkward wave. Ryan wasn't a fool. At least not so much a fool that he thought he could just swoop into Chad's life and then immediately be more important than Troy. They had years behind them, years of close friendship, but Ryan started noticing things a little differently. It wasn’t like Ryan doubted Chad. He knew Chad liked him. He would wrap his arm around him and pull him close. He would smile at him, just at him, even with other people around. He would stare at his lips before kissing him. He was sure Chad liked him. But he noticed things. He saw Chad wrap his arm around Troy and pull him close. He saw Chad smile at Troy, just at Troy, even with other people around. He saw Chad stare at Troy's lips. He didn't kiss him. Not when Ryan was around. Ryan didn't want to be the paranoid, jealous boyfriend so he chose to believe he didn't do it when they were alone either. That didn't mean he didn't want to though. 

Ryan didn't say anything. He didn't tell anyone what he knew about Troy. He didn't tell Chad what he knew about him. He pretended nothing had changed. He watched TV with Chad in Chad's living room one day, pretending he didn't know what Chad was thinking of with his furrowed brow and grinding teeth. He tried to remain inconspicuous, tried to keep his attention on Ryan and the TV, but Ryan noticed. They heard the front door open and someone enter. Chad looked to the door. Chad's mom talked to the guest and Chad jumped up from the couch and left the room. Ryan stayed on the couch. Chad didn't return.

Ryan found them in the kitchen, but he wasn't prepared for what exactly he found. Chad was sitting next to Troy, rubbing his back and petting his hair, his head close to Troy's ear and gently shushing him. On the other side of Troy, Chad's mom sat, holding Troy's arms. Troy's cut and bitten and scratched and bloody arms. She was cleaning them up and bandaging them, her face grave. She had seen Troy like this before. It was a little too much for Ryan. He walked back into the living room and sat down on the edge of the sofa. The TV was still on but he didn't look at it. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. There was no reason for this to hit him so hard. He wasn't even involved in this.

"Ryan?" Chad asked. Ryan opened his eyes again as Chad sat down next to him.

"This is really, really bad, isn't it?" Ryan asked. Chad nodded.

"He doesn't usually… Not on his arms. Not...” Chad trailed off. They sat quietly for a second.

"Are you okay?" Chad asked.

"Me? Sure, yeah, I… I'll be fine. I think Troy needs you more than I do right now. I think I should just go home."

"Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I'll just take it easy."

Chad nodded thoughtfully.

"Be careful. We'll talk later, right?"

"Right."

Chad gave him a kiss on the cheek and left the room. Ryan showed himself out of the house.

Ryan had a lot of thoughts when he got home, ignoring Sharpay's taunts and instead just went to his room and closed the door, lying on his bed in his quiet, cool room. Chad called him a few hours later and Ryan didn't even know if he wanted to pick up. He did.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi. How are you?" Chad asked as if that was even remotely important right now.

"I'm okay," Ryan hesitated. "How's Troy?"

There was silence on the line.

"Asleep. I don't know. Not good. It's fucked up. I just want him to be okay. I feel like I can't leave him out of my sight for even a second."

Ryan thought of Chad sitting in his room, in his chair or on the floor, watching Troy sleep.

"It's not your responsibility. You can't fix him."

"I know, but… I still need to be there."

Chad said  _ need _ and it made Ryan’s stomach turn and his throat knot.

"Ryan…"

"We're breaking up, aren't we?"

"What? No, that wasn't what I was going to say-"

"But I am. Chad, this is… This is too much. And it's not just that you need to help him. I get that. I do. Of course, you'd do that for Troy. It's not just that you need to push me aside for him. I don't even really think I mind that, I mean, I see how bad he's doing. He needs you more than me, but I think… I think you need him more than you need me as well. You look at him the same way you look at me. And I can only really guess at what that means, but I'm a pretty good guesser. I think it would be better for all of us if we just ended this here."

"Ryan, if you think there's something between me and-"

"I don't. But maybe there should be. What do I know? That's not really any of my business. But I don't think I want to be in the middle of it. Not right now. Not when everything is like this."

Chad was quiet for a long time. It was tempting to fill the silence, but Ryan bit his tongue and waited.

"Okay."

"... Okay?"

"I don't know, what do you want me to say? You're breaking up with me. I can't really do anything about it."

"I guess that's true."

Chad sighed.

"You're great, Ryan. And I really can't thank you enough for being as understanding as you have been. Really."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"I'll see you around. At school."

"Yeah… Take good care of him."

"Always."

"Goodbye, Chad."

"Goodbye, Ryan."

Troy didn't show up at school after that. There were rumours. Some crueller than others. Sharpay pestered Ryan for information but he didn't give in. He didn't know anything, not really. Even Sharpay had to give up. He said hi to Chad in passing, who looked gloomy and focused on just getting by, but that was it. The mostly incorrect rumours about Troy spread and mingled with the mostly correct rumours about Chad and Ryan and ended up as rumours that came too close to the truth for comfort. Ryan didn't comment. He suspected that neither did Chad. 

Eventually, Troy returned to school, looking better than the last time Ryan had seen him, but possibly worse than the last time anybody else had seen him. Chad looked relieved but nervous. Nervous, for how Troy handled school and rumours and returning to some sort of normalcy. Troy looked tired but alive. He did everything slowly, took everything step by step, but he did it. Chad wrapped his arm around Troy and pulled him close. He smiled at him, just at him, even though others were around. He stared at his lips but he didn't kiss him. Ryan didn't want to be the paranoid, jealous ex, so he could choose to believe they didn’t do that when they were alone either. That didn’t make it true though. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Taylor Swift's champagne problems. Come talk to me about High School Musical on tumblr @troy-boltons-pink-jelly


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